Year in Review!!!

Yes, I know that the year isn't over yet. Matter of fact, there are 2 months left. But it seems like this year just needs to end already. I am so over 2009.
What happened this year???
January... D's 30th Birthday! Good times... great cake, great friends!
February... Valentines Day... Good family time with D and R. Went to the Asian Buffet and went to see a movie.

February 16th... the day that changed my life... My brother passed away. That day will always be ingrained in my mind. That day was one of the most gut wrenching days I have ever had. I don't really remember much past walking through the door of my house and just hugging my mom. The rest of the week is just a cloud. I remember going to the cemetery and the funeral home. But I don't remember any of the details. I feel like I was in a major deep fog.

The next several months were a MAJOR blur. I visited J in May. I was angry at that point in my life. Not at J or anyone else. Or angry for having to make the trip. But at myself. Angry for losing my brother. Angry at myself for being so sad. Anger that I couldn't just move on. We had some great times that weekend. But I regret picking a fight and letting my anger cloud my judgement of people. I regret not giving people the benefit of the doubt and allowing myself to get to know them. Not for my sake, but for J's.

July came and went with a wonderful visit from J!

Nothing else of note happened until October. D had an appendectomy. He recovered very well and is on the mend.

November hasn't happened yet. But I am sure it will have some highlights and low lights... cruise and a birthday celebration. I turn the big 3-0!!! I would be lying if I said I was looking forward to the birthday... because I certainly am not. 30 feels like such a big deal to me. Everyone I talk to says "you're just a baby" "30 isn't bad at all". Well those kind words don't really put me at ease.

December will be a very hard month for me, not only with Christmas but Mark's birthday is December 9th, so I plan to spend the day at the cemetery.

So I am anxiously awaiting the end of this year. Not because I think it will instantly heal my hurt. But because I need to be able to say that I am moving on some how.