UGG!!!!!

So I feel like shit. Not physically, but emotionally. I am angry with myself. I am pissed that I can't just bite my tongue. I am mad that I felt the need to "knock" someone down several notches. And I am most pissed that I did all of these things to someone who I consider to be my nearest and dearest friend. And for some reason, I think that by some miracle, that our friendship will all be OK. Although I doubt it. And that makes me mad too.

I am not even sure why I couldn't bite my tongue. I have watched her overcome major changes in her life recently. And I will admit, I have never been in her position so I don't really know what she is going through, but for some reason I expect her to just be "OK" with everything. I expect her to be "over" it. I know that is stupid of me. I know that it is impossible to just be "OK" so soon.

So I spent the night tossing and turning and wondering. I wondered if I had lost my friend forever. And as I laid there in bed, I came to the realization that if the roles were reversed, I would want her to be a friend. Not a mother, not a boss, not a counselor...but just a friend. I would want someone who cares about me and my well being, but doesn't make me feel like I am making the wrong choices or not recovering fast enough from those choices. So I am done mothering and counseling and bossing. My friend has someone who fills all those rolls in her life. And she doesn't need me to add the additional pressure to her. So I will just be the friend for now. Nothing more.