Outsider???

I have been an outsider looking in on several different relationships this year. Some of the relationships have come to an end, some have grown despite the odds against them. Some have just stood where they were, never really changing. Witnessing these relationships has taught me a lot about myself too.

One relationship that I don't see much of in person is between my brother and this girl (not sure what to call her, she maybe his girlfriend, but who knows from day to day) She is an adult, but doesn't really act like one. She plays games. She tries to control my brother. She holds things of my brothers head. Seeing her act like that is repulsive. It makes me very happy that I am not that kind of person.

Another relationship I have seen is actually one I am a part of, it just doesn't feel like it sometimes. It is a relationship I have had with a friend for almost 10 years. But unfortunately, it just doesn't feel much like a real friendship anymore. It feels more like an obligation. I know that is very sad. Heck, it sounds very sad just saying it in my head. We have both grown so far away from who we were 10 years ago that I can hardly recognize who we were back then. I miss the relationship we shared even 5 years ago. Seeing this relationship deteriorate has taught me that unfortunately no matter what you do or how hard you try, some relationships can't survive. I will always value the relationship for the joy it has brought me. I will always keep my heart open to the relationship, but I will always miss the way things were.

The one relationship I think I learned the most from this year is one that didn't make it. It took a wrong turn somewhere along their path. I believe that the wrong turn was taken years ago, and it just continued down that path because neither of the people in the relationship felt like it was the wrong path until it was to late to turn around. Seeing this relationship end was very hard. Seeing the pain it inflicted on people I care about hurt me too. I know that this relationship had a lot of happy times. But I also know that this relationship had unhappy times too. I hope that the people in this relationship have learned the same lesson I have from then. I learned that no matter how much it hurts, Love is worth it, even if the love you share doesn't last forever, that small amount of time you had love makes all of the hurt worth it in the end.

There is another relationship I have watched this year. It is a very interesting one to see. It is between my daughter and her friend, B. They are in the same class together. They have been friends since last year. But I think they are both coming into their own. R loves being around B. She thinks of B as a sister. And like all sisters, they also fight like sisters. Their young friendship has so much potential to be a life long one. It will take some nurturing to help it grow. It will have some bumps in the road along the way, but I think it will be a wonderful relationship to watch grow. It is hard to just sit back and watch sometimes. But I know that by just watching it is the best way for the friendship to bloom.


There are SO many other relationships I have seen this year. Way to many to list here. But I am glad that I get to be an outsider to them all...regardless of the outcome.

Reflection

So it's New Years Eve Day. I am at work with a whole lot of nothing going on. I have work to do, but not enough to keep me "busy" all day.

We will be spending NYE the same we spent it last year. A lot of kids running around with the adults struggling to stay awake until midnight.

This year has been pretty uneventful. D decided to go back to school for his masters, R is doing great in 1st grade and is making a ton of friends at school. She is dancing again this year and still says she will only dance for 5 years so she can get a trophy on stage...lol. She is also in Girl Scouts, which I foolishly volunteered to be a part of. I am not sure she gets much out of it, but she seems to enjoy the activities anyway.

I skipped my 10 year class reunion this year. Really didn't feel like I really belong to that school anyway (the joys of moving in the middle of your high school experience). Maybe I will make an appearance at the 15 year reunion, but don't hold your breath.

I also moved on (finally) from the world of Surrogacy. I had serious debated doing it ONE more time, but couldn't get past the hurt and frustration I had from my past journey. I held onto the heartache a lot longer than I should I have. And I have finally made peace with it and have moved on. I didn't spend countless hours looking for the perfect gift for the boys, I just didn't want to find myself in the toy section again this year with tears streaming down my face because I didn't know anything about the babies I carried. So I made the choice to just MOVE ON.

I also had to make a tougher choice this year. I made the choice to have an endometrial ablation due to some medical issues I was having. Which means I am not able to ever carry another baby again. So that means that I will never have anymore children of my own either. I will say, there are days where I am disappointed about making that choice, but then I realize that I really don't want any more children. The one I have is an absolute blast, but kids are a lot of work.

What else happened this year??? D and I celebrated 7 years of marriage. It is so hard to believe we have only been married for 7 years. It feels like I have ALWAYS been married to him. It just feels so right. I know I am blessed to have him in my life. I know that being loved by D is an honor. He isn't a deeply emotional man. He doesn't shower me with lavish gifts. He doesn't leave me love notes every day. But he loves me to no end. He kisses me goodnight every night and hugs me good bye every morning. I am so lucky to be celebrating another New Years Eve with D.

We also joined a bowling league... what a JOKE!!!! I am the WORST bowler in the whole history of bowlers. My 7 year old Daughter bowls better than I do.Ohh well... At least we are having fun doing it right.

I hope my 2009 is just as good as my 2008.