Year in Review!!!

Yes, I know that the year isn't over yet. Matter of fact, there are 2 months left. But it seems like this year just needs to end already. I am so over 2009.
What happened this year???
January... D's 30th Birthday! Good times... great cake, great friends!
February... Valentines Day... Good family time with D and R. Went to the Asian Buffet and went to see a movie.

February 16th... the day that changed my life... My brother passed away. That day will always be ingrained in my mind. That day was one of the most gut wrenching days I have ever had. I don't really remember much past walking through the door of my house and just hugging my mom. The rest of the week is just a cloud. I remember going to the cemetery and the funeral home. But I don't remember any of the details. I feel like I was in a major deep fog.

The next several months were a MAJOR blur. I visited J in May. I was angry at that point in my life. Not at J or anyone else. Or angry for having to make the trip. But at myself. Angry for losing my brother. Angry at myself for being so sad. Anger that I couldn't just move on. We had some great times that weekend. But I regret picking a fight and letting my anger cloud my judgement of people. I regret not giving people the benefit of the doubt and allowing myself to get to know them. Not for my sake, but for J's.

July came and went with a wonderful visit from J!

Nothing else of note happened until October. D had an appendectomy. He recovered very well and is on the mend.

November hasn't happened yet. But I am sure it will have some highlights and low lights... cruise and a birthday celebration. I turn the big 3-0!!! I would be lying if I said I was looking forward to the birthday... because I certainly am not. 30 feels like such a big deal to me. Everyone I talk to says "you're just a baby" "30 isn't bad at all". Well those kind words don't really put me at ease.

December will be a very hard month for me, not only with Christmas but Mark's birthday is December 9th, so I plan to spend the day at the cemetery.

So I am anxiously awaiting the end of this year. Not because I think it will instantly heal my hurt. But because I need to be able to say that I am moving on some how.

What a WEEK!!

It has been a very eventful week this last week. Saturday I made a cake for my mom's 51st birthday. We went to celebrate with Mom and the extended family in N KY. Not only did I amke a cake, I also made enough lasagna for 20 people along with garlic bread! It was a wonderful time to spend with great family!

Then all hell broke lose on Wednesday morning. D wasn't feeling well at all, which was very unusual for him! I thought it could have been the flu, told him to stay home and see how he felt... then he was telling me some more symptoms... then I started to worry. We made our way to the ER...low and behold it was an acute appendicitis. He wasn't having the tell tale symptoms so I wasn't overly worried. And apperantly neither were the doctors, he didn't go into surgery until 8 pm... a whole 12 hours after we walked into the ER! A lot of sitting around that day! His surgery went very smoothly, thank goodness. He was released on Thursday around noon. So we spent as much time waiting for him to have surgery than for him to recover and be released:) We spent the next 4 days sitting around. Thankfully he is feeling so much better now!

Saturday night was a ton of fun! R had sleepover again. She had the usual friends over along with a new addition. So 4 girls under 1 roof equals very loud night!! They all got along great! They all seemed to have a great time carving pumkins and eating cookies! Then came bed time...we have 2 beds that they could have slept in, but no... one girl, R still slept on the floor!!! Silly Kids!

So through all the craziness, we still managed to maintain our sanity. Now lets just hope that when I have my surgery, things go just as smooth!

A life well spent!

When I started this blog I struggled for a decent name for it. At the time it was just a name, but lately it seems that it has started to have some meaning to me.

Lately I have been doing a lot of reflecting on my life. And overall I have been VERY happy with my life. Yes, it has been very hectic. Yes, it has been sort of stressful. Yes, it has been filled with drama. But it has been GREAT! I am feeling whole and fulfilled. I am feeling loved and in love. I am feeling like life will go on for me regardless of what has happened in the past. And all of those feelings are good!

So I feel like I am really living my life well spent!

What a weekend!!

This weekend has been an extended weekend for me. I took off of work on Thursday and Friday to hang out with my daughter. We spent Thursday shopping and all we came home with was a ONE EYED KITTEN!!! She is so sweet. And only 1 eye... we have named her One Eyed Willie... calling her Willie for short. She seems to be fitting in well in our house.:)

Friday we went to see a movie and just hang out:) We had a great time out and about! When we got home I had to make a cake for my Mom's birthday. I didn't wanna go with the boring chocolate cake again. I decided to try something different. I made Cinnamon Bun Cake with White Chocolate Cream Cheese filling and buttercream frosting. It was surprisingly easy to make. And wonderful!!!

Saaturday was a busy day. I had to get up early and make lasagna for mom's party. I think it will become tradition to have lasagna and cake on mom's birthday, since this is 2 years in a row now. It was also a big hit.

Worry

I have a dear friend that I often worry about. She is an amazing person. Always there for me when I need her. Always willing to listen to me complain about what ever is the latest drama in my life. I truly value her friendship. Often times, I feel like I am not nearly as good of a friend to her as she is to me.

She has been experiencing a lot of personal trials. I believe that she struggles with herself on a daily basis with things in her life. She is torn between being miserable in her current situation and finding what truly makes her happy. She feels trapped because she doesn't know which way to turn in her life. She wants to take the leap of faith but doesn't have enough faith in herself to actually make the leap. I wish I had the words of wisdom to help her in her struggles but I just don't. After all, there is no easy or nice way to say "hey, wake up! You deserve so much better than this!"

I wish she could find the faith in herself to know that she will be okay. I wish she knew that she would have all of the support she would need if she decided to make that leap of faith. I wish she would do what is right for herself and her children. I wish she would be able to say she is truly happy in her life and not be lying to herself. I wish she wouldn't wait to make herself happy.

It is hard to care about a friend so much and not be able to help them. It is hard to know that they are sad and miserable in their life. It is hard to know that she deserves so much better out of life but just can't see that for themselves.

I know it is not my job to worry about my friends. But unfortunately it is something I do. I have always been a worrier. It's just my way of caring.

Catching up!

So what's been going on with my life. Well a lot!

Where to start.

Mark passed away in February. That flipped my life upside-down to say the least! I still have not recovered from the grief. I doubt I ever will. At first it was hard to come to grips that I will never get to see him again. Or talk to him. But that hasn't proven to be true. I get to see and talk to him often. I have very vivid dreams about him. And we talk. And it feels healing and wonderful.

Work has been busy. The season has flown by. It has been great to be busy and keep my mind off of things that worry me.

I have been dealing with some body issues too. I have decided to have a hysterectomy to take care of the pain that I have. I have had a lot of people ask me if I am o'kay with not having anymore children. Now, that is a tricky question... at this current time in my life, I have to be okay without having any more children. Now, that isn't to say that I wouldn't like to have another baby, but that isn't going too happen. So I am at peace without having any more children of my own. Now, nieces and nephews are a different question...bring them on!

Speaking of Nephews and Nieces... So I have "adopted" several off my friends children as my nephews and nieces. A dear friend of mine of almost 10 years gave birth to her second son. He is adorable. So I have a new nephew:) So that makes my total of adopted nieces to 3 and 7 nephews!!!

I am back to being a Girl Scout Leader. I often find myself complaining about having to do yet another meeting or craft... but tonight proved to me why I do it. One of my girls is painfully shy. She isn't really into leading the group. Well she drew the pledge and song leader out of the capers jar. She was not happy with that at all. After the meeting she came up to me and said "Miss Nikki, thank you for being out leader. I love singing" That makes it all worth it!

I also took a sewing lesson... which was surprisingly easy. So I have been using my new found sewing skills to make aprons and pajama pants and purses... lots of fun!

I have also been doing a lot of cakes. I really enjoy making cakes. I have started to get more business. And I have started a cake blog:) www.cakesbynikki.blogspot.com

So there is my life in a nut shell... a very small, very cramped nutshell!

Back to blogging

So I have taken a hiatus from blogging. Mainly it is due to my life being rather hectic and not feeling like I have the time to blog.

But I need to get back with it.
So I am going to make more of an effort to blog at least once a week.