Instant Bad Mood!!!!!

I HATE the lake of sun in Ohio in the Winter. I hate that when I go to work it is still dark and when I get home it is dark!!!! Makes me super aggrivated. Makes me all sorts of BITCHY!!!!

And to top it all off I hate being a single parent, even if it is only 2 days a week! It is awful!

It's 2009!!!

Actually it is 6 days into 2009!!! And I am already behind on my blog.

We rang in the New Year with good friends. And barely made it past midnight. I believe we were in bed and asleep at 12:30... Man I feel old:)

I don't make New Years Resolutions. I just feel like they set me up to fail. I hate saying I am going to do something and then it never happens. So I just don't make them.

Instead, I have set a few personal goals for myself to accomplish before I turn 30 in November. But I wanna keep those to myself for awhile:)

The whole idea of turning 30 terrifies me. Why? Umm... who knows? Maybe it is because I feel like I should have accomplished more by now. Or maybe it is because I have already felt 30ish for years. I mean, I have been married for 7 years. I have been with the same person for the last 10 years. I have a 7 year old. I have a good job and a home and all the things that come with being an adult, like bills...lol. I guess turning 30 is better than the alternative.

Outsider???

I have been an outsider looking in on several different relationships this year. Some of the relationships have come to an end, some have grown despite the odds against them. Some have just stood where they were, never really changing. Witnessing these relationships has taught me a lot about myself too.

One relationship that I don't see much of in person is between my brother and this girl (not sure what to call her, she maybe his girlfriend, but who knows from day to day) She is an adult, but doesn't really act like one. She plays games. She tries to control my brother. She holds things of my brothers head. Seeing her act like that is repulsive. It makes me very happy that I am not that kind of person.

Another relationship I have seen is actually one I am a part of, it just doesn't feel like it sometimes. It is a relationship I have had with a friend for almost 10 years. But unfortunately, it just doesn't feel much like a real friendship anymore. It feels more like an obligation. I know that is very sad. Heck, it sounds very sad just saying it in my head. We have both grown so far away from who we were 10 years ago that I can hardly recognize who we were back then. I miss the relationship we shared even 5 years ago. Seeing this relationship deteriorate has taught me that unfortunately no matter what you do or how hard you try, some relationships can't survive. I will always value the relationship for the joy it has brought me. I will always keep my heart open to the relationship, but I will always miss the way things were.

The one relationship I think I learned the most from this year is one that didn't make it. It took a wrong turn somewhere along their path. I believe that the wrong turn was taken years ago, and it just continued down that path because neither of the people in the relationship felt like it was the wrong path until it was to late to turn around. Seeing this relationship end was very hard. Seeing the pain it inflicted on people I care about hurt me too. I know that this relationship had a lot of happy times. But I also know that this relationship had unhappy times too. I hope that the people in this relationship have learned the same lesson I have from then. I learned that no matter how much it hurts, Love is worth it, even if the love you share doesn't last forever, that small amount of time you had love makes all of the hurt worth it in the end.

There is another relationship I have watched this year. It is a very interesting one to see. It is between my daughter and her friend, B. They are in the same class together. They have been friends since last year. But I think they are both coming into their own. R loves being around B. She thinks of B as a sister. And like all sisters, they also fight like sisters. Their young friendship has so much potential to be a life long one. It will take some nurturing to help it grow. It will have some bumps in the road along the way, but I think it will be a wonderful relationship to watch grow. It is hard to just sit back and watch sometimes. But I know that by just watching it is the best way for the friendship to bloom.


There are SO many other relationships I have seen this year. Way to many to list here. But I am glad that I get to be an outsider to them all...regardless of the outcome.

Reflection

So it's New Years Eve Day. I am at work with a whole lot of nothing going on. I have work to do, but not enough to keep me "busy" all day.

We will be spending NYE the same we spent it last year. A lot of kids running around with the adults struggling to stay awake until midnight.

This year has been pretty uneventful. D decided to go back to school for his masters, R is doing great in 1st grade and is making a ton of friends at school. She is dancing again this year and still says she will only dance for 5 years so she can get a trophy on stage...lol. She is also in Girl Scouts, which I foolishly volunteered to be a part of. I am not sure she gets much out of it, but she seems to enjoy the activities anyway.

I skipped my 10 year class reunion this year. Really didn't feel like I really belong to that school anyway (the joys of moving in the middle of your high school experience). Maybe I will make an appearance at the 15 year reunion, but don't hold your breath.

I also moved on (finally) from the world of Surrogacy. I had serious debated doing it ONE more time, but couldn't get past the hurt and frustration I had from my past journey. I held onto the heartache a lot longer than I should I have. And I have finally made peace with it and have moved on. I didn't spend countless hours looking for the perfect gift for the boys, I just didn't want to find myself in the toy section again this year with tears streaming down my face because I didn't know anything about the babies I carried. So I made the choice to just MOVE ON.

I also had to make a tougher choice this year. I made the choice to have an endometrial ablation due to some medical issues I was having. Which means I am not able to ever carry another baby again. So that means that I will never have anymore children of my own either. I will say, there are days where I am disappointed about making that choice, but then I realize that I really don't want any more children. The one I have is an absolute blast, but kids are a lot of work.

What else happened this year??? D and I celebrated 7 years of marriage. It is so hard to believe we have only been married for 7 years. It feels like I have ALWAYS been married to him. It just feels so right. I know I am blessed to have him in my life. I know that being loved by D is an honor. He isn't a deeply emotional man. He doesn't shower me with lavish gifts. He doesn't leave me love notes every day. But he loves me to no end. He kisses me goodnight every night and hugs me good bye every morning. I am so lucky to be celebrating another New Years Eve with D.

We also joined a bowling league... what a JOKE!!!! I am the WORST bowler in the whole history of bowlers. My 7 year old Daughter bowls better than I do.Ohh well... At least we are having fun doing it right.

I hope my 2009 is just as good as my 2008.

Why is it????

So it really isn't any of my business but I just can't help myself.

So here is the background...J meet this guy. They had 1 brief meeting for coffee and now he is "infatuated" with her... I mean seriously head of heels.

Now, don't get me wrong, J is a wonderful person. Who wouldn't be head over heels with her??... but not after an hour meeting for coffee. So why is it that there are some people who can fall hard and fast while others take FOREVER to even consider even just maybe falling in like with someone... even then, they reserve the right to change their mind as often as they change underwear.

I just don't get it. I could understand it from a hormone crazy kid, but not a grown man. Not a man who should be responsible with his feelings and even if he does feel infatuated, he is still reserved and calm about it.

So why is it that GROWN MEN aren't taking the time t really get know someone before saying they are "in love at first site"...Ugg MEN!!!! They will NEVER grow up!

They are gone:(

So the madness wasn't nearly as bad as I anticipated. It was a blast having J and the boys at my house for a few days. The kids, R, J and L, all got along so well. R and J played Wii for hours on end. And L watched them play it.

We went to the Air Force Museum. The boys LOVED it. It was super cool to have the place to our selves. Momma J got a kick out of the sign that said "watch out for falling ice" I had to remind her that it was possible that there would be ice on the roof, since it was like 15 degrees...lol I hope they didnt think it was too cold.

The weather was nice... about 15-20 degrees (burr) and there was some rain, but it wasn't bad enough to keep us inside. Momma J did get to see snow falling (nothing really to write home about, but she quickly texted her mom to tell her it was showing...lol)

Momma J and I spent a lot of time just talking and drinking wine (or what ever else we could find). It was the first time we have been able to do that because every time we have been toogther, she has been KNOCKED UP!

I am so sad to see her go. I wish she lived closer. I wish I had all the time to go see her more often. Oh well... thats life!

And the madness begins

So today, my BFF, J is coming in town. She is bringing her boys with her! I have been running around like a mad woman cleaning and recleaning and acting like a fool. My house still isn't how I wish it was, but oh well..even crazy ladies have to quit sometime.

So my day got all jacked up b/c R's school was on a 2 hr delay due to ice. And D said he couldn't stay home with her. Which meant I had to do it. Which then meant thatI would NOT be leaving work like I planned. Instead I will leave at 1. But I still have to make cookies for R's class for her B-day... she wants Hippo cookies:)

So I will go home and start the cookie dough... chill it for 2 hours. Pick up R from school go home and start dinner (beef stew.. ohh yum!) and start baking cookies, and baking cookies, and backing cookies... until 5:30. They I have to go to the airport to get J and the boys. Then the fun begins!!!! I am so darn excited that she will be in town. I just saw her a month ago, but it feels like forever. And it will be even harder to see her go because I have NO clue when we will get to visit again. No plans have been made for weekend trips or vacations, so the next visit may be far off:(

We have so much planned for the trip. We will be going to the Air Force Museum. The boys will LOVE it. Heck, I love it there. It is so cool. But R doesn't like it, so I never get to go. I gave R the choice to decide if she wanted to skip school and go with us. She declined and said that she was worried she would miss something fun... lol

I will be posting about our visit. I will include lots of pics and lots of funny antics from the kids. I am sure it will be a BLAST!