OK, I don't need Drama

So I realized that I don't reallty need drama in my life...lol I like things nice and calm.

Things have been a but hectic latley. No time for ME.

I can either wallow in my own self pity or I can take control of my own life and be ME. I am going to make time for ME. And enjoy who I am. I am going to work on myself.

I am going to embrace the love that is in my life and be grateful that I have it. I am going to be more understanding when I am not the center of his attention. He is doing something to better his life and our family. He is being a strong man. He loves me for who I am and I am happy to call him my husband. Finding the love of your life isn't easy. And I am blessed to have found him.

So I choose Me. And I choose Him. And I choose US...together!!!

Need some DRAMA!

My life is very drama free. So Drama Free infact that it is downright boring. Not that I should complain about boring, but I am. I want something exciting to happen. But not life altering exciting. So what is it I really want? Not sure... maybe for someone to have a baby. Or get married.

I need a project!

Home Sick!

So I am home sick today. I hate being sick. But I like being home. I really love the idea of being home. I love the idea of being able to "play"house. But unfortunatly, I am not able to stay home. Not if I wanna maintain my current lifestyle.

My daughter would have to give up things that I would NEVER want her to do without. Dance class would be out of the question. Private school would be gone. The weekly shopping trip would have to come to an end. All things that I am not willing to make her give up.

So I will spend my day at home sick.... go back to work tomorrow.:)

Loosing my mind

I don't like to work. Actually I think it is that I just don't like to sit and be bored all day. My job is boring. I spend most of my time surfing the Internet. And you can only surf for so long before you loose your mind.

A dear Friend!

I have a very dear friend, someone who I consider to be my very bestest friend in the world. I am grateful for her friendship. I look forward to sharing emails and texts with her everyday. There isn't a day goes by that we don't "talk".

I just want her to know that I LUB her and always think about her. She is strong and independent. She is brave yet cautious. She has shown me so much about life. She truly cares about others. She is the most generous person I know.

Just wanted to let her know that she will never be alone in life. Keep smiling:)

Living thru the pain!

For as long as I can remember I have suffered some sort of chronic pain. 99% of it steams from my back hurting. Which, I am sure is related to the fact that I have worn a D cup to a DD cup bra for 18 years. And now my body is suffering the consequences.

I have grooves in my shoulders from the bra straps, I have buldging disks in my neck from the pulling, I have intense pain down my leg from the nerve that is pinched in my lower back. I am not sure how much more pain I can take. It is intense. It is debilitating. It affects my everyday life in a very profound way. I can not bend over to hug my daughter, she has to come to my level. I can not lean up to hug my husband, he has to come to my level.

I am finding that NOTHING takes away the pain. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING helps. Advil doesn't touch the pain. Vicodin barely numbs it. So what is the answer? Live with it? I am not sure I can.

Reflecting

Yesterday was September 11, 2008. It has been 7 years since the towers fell in NYC. I spent a good part of yeasterday reflecting on that time in my life. Not because I cant move past the atatcks or because I was morning the lives lost. I was reflecting on that day becasue it was 4 days before my wedding. I was working that day and was supposed to pick up my dress that night. After the towers fell, stores closed. My Dress would not be picked up that night. Infact my Dress wouldn't be picked up until two days later.

The things that I reflect most on about 7 years ago was that I was pregnant with my daughter. I thought to my self " how in the hell can I bring a baby into a world filled with so much hated?" I quickly realized that I didn't have a choice but to bring a child into this world. And I realized that I had the choice to raise her any way I wanted. I could have raised her to hate. I could have raised her to judge people by their skin color or their sexual preference. But I choose to raise her the way that I have choosen to see the world. I have raised her to be understanding and loving of others. I have taught her that it is ok to be different. She knows it is ok for 2 boys to love each other. She knows that even though her school may teach her about god, that it isnt the answer to all the problems.

So after a day of reflection, I feel at peace with September 11.